At first, it felt perfect. Author Sophie Lee truly believed she had found real love. Her ex-boyfriend made her feel special, admired, and chosen. It felt like a dream she never wanted to wake up from.
“He thought I was the best thing in the world,” Sophie says. In the early days, she felt adored and secure. Like many people in new relationships, she ignored small warning signs because the affection felt so strong.
But slowly, the dream began to crack.
Whenever Sophie disagreed with him, his behavior changed. Instead of talking things through, he would cheat on her. He became controlling, using betrayal as a weapon to punish her for having her own opinions.
Over time, the emotional damage grew deeper. Sophie, now 37 and living in East Yorkshire, says the relationship became toxic and frightening. The man she loved began to show another side of himself.
“He used to get really angry and used to throw stuff at me,” she says. The aggression wasn’t constant, but it was enough to keep her on edge. Still, Sophie stayed.
“I thought he was the love of my life,” she admits. Her confidence had been broken down so slowly that she no longer trusted her own judgment.
To cope with the pain, Sophie began drinking heavily and using cocaine. It was her way of numbing feelings she did not yet understand. Like many victims of coercive control, she blamed herself instead of the abuse.
Eventually, she found the strength to end the relationship. But the worst was still to come.
“After we broke up, I felt very afraid of him,” Sophie says. He returned her house keys, but secretly had another one cut. At first, she didn’t know what was happening.
She would come home from work and feel something was wrong. Objects had been moved. Rooms looked different. Then it became even more disturbing.
“I’d come home and my entire washing would have been done,” she explains. “He’d obviously been in my house for the whole day.” Furniture had been moved into different rooms, as if someone was playing with her sense of reality.
The fear became overwhelming. Her home no longer felt safe. It felt like a place where she was being watched.
The situation escalated when Sophie discovered he had searched on her computer for “how to kill yourself.” That moment confirmed her worst fears. This was no longer just emotional abuse. It was dangerous.
Terrified, Sophie moved in with a friend. She was too scared to report him. “It was all a twisted game to him,” she says. Like many survivors, fear and shame kept her silent.
Eventually, he stopped pursuing her. Sophie used that time to sober up, step away from dating, and rebuild her self-esteem. It was not quick or easy, but it was life-saving.
Six years ago, her life changed again — this time for the better. She met Craig Lee, 38, a tradesman, in a bar.
“It took me a long time before I felt like I could trust him and open myself up fully to him,” Sophie says. After everything she had been through, trust felt terrifying.
“But he’s never been anything other than fabulous,” she adds. Slowly, gently, Craig showed her what a healthy relationship looks like.
They have since bought a house together. For Sophie, this represents more than love — it represents safety.
“I’ve finally found my happy ending,” she says.
Sophie is now using her voice to help other women. Her book, Beyond Palatable: A Manifesto for Unapologetic Women (Luath Press, £14.99), will be published on March 8, 2026.
Her story comes at an important moment. It is ten years this month since coercive control became a criminal offence.
According to the National Centre for Domestic Violence, around 1.6 million women experience domestic abuse each year in England and Wales. Police record around 50,000 cases of coercive control annually.
Even more alarming, recent research suggests coercive control could make up over 80% of domestic abuse cases reported to police.
Dr Cassandra Wiener, Associate Professor in Law at City St George’s, University of London, explains why this form of abuse is so dangerous.
“Coercive control is domestic abuse where there is a purposeful pattern of behaviour used by perpetrators to harm, punish or frighten victims through assault, humiliation and intimidation, and, sometimes, through the loss of life,” she says.
She issues a stark warning: “The link between coercive control and homicide is clear.”
Dr Wiener stresses that fear must always be taken seriously. “Someone experiencing coercive control is best placed to tell you how frightened they are,” she says, adding that more must be done to help women leave dangerous situations.
Gemma Sherrington, CEO of Refuge, agrees. “Abuse doesn’t always look the way we expect it to,” she explains. “It often goes unrecognised, hiding in the seemingly small moments of control and manipulation.”
She describes coercive control as “a sinister pattern of behaviour designed to isolate, manipulate and intimidate.”
Although it became a criminal offence in 2015, convictions remain low. “Sadly, this can make survivors less likely to come forward,” Sherrington says, “for fear they won’t be believed.”
Sophie’s story shows both the terrifying reality of coercive control and the hope that recovery is possible. With the right support, women can leave, heal, and rebuild lives free from abuse.
If you recognise yourself in this story, know that help is available.
If you are in an abusive relationship and need confidential advice and support, call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
